goats & silver platters

dear muffin,

I have a confession to make.

I do not enjoy reading my Bible every day.

[now you can gasp in horror at what a terrible Christian I am.]

I've always envied the authors, bloggers, etc. who seem to love nothing more than grabbing a chai latte, settling into an overstuffed sofa, and poring over scripture for hours at a time. they always seem to discover some deep truth or application to their lives, no matter what passage they're reading. they come out refreshed & invigorated, thrilled to read through the Bible.

that's never been me.

let's be clear. I do love the Bible, in a very real way [perhaps we'll call it the Textbook Way]. there is true confidence in knowing that the answers to all of life's questions can be found between those leather covers. I love learning the practical applications from my father & pastor. I love how well everything, from relationships to politics, can work when God's simple commandments are followed by faithful hearts. I truly desire to become more like Christ in all that I do.

but when it comes to the Practical Way, waking up early each day and slogging my way through the book of Numbers... the enthusiasm fizzles. 

I read it. I wrinkle up my forehead & try to feel interested in how many bulls, rams, & lambs were sacrificed. I look for life application as I plow my way through the offering of Ahira the son of Enan (who brought a silver platter, a silver bowl, a gold pan, a young bull, a ram, a male lamb in its first year, a kid of the goats, two oxen, five rams, five male goats, and five more male lambs in their first year)... but it's hard to stay focused. especially when his offering happens to be the exact same as those of Pagiel the son of Ocran, Abidan the son of Gideoni, Ahiezer the son of Ammishaddai, Gamaliel the son of Pedahzur, Elishama the son of Ammihud, Eliasaph the son of Deuel, Shelumiel the son of Zurishaddai, Elizur the son of Shedeur, Eliab the son of Helon, Nethanel the son of Zuar, and Nahshon the son of Amminadab. 

or take the "burdens of the Lord against ______" (fill-in-the-blank with your favorite ancient pagan nation.) after ten minutes of brimstones and crashing cedars of lebanon, I glaze over.

frankly, it all starts to sound the same. I lose interest. it becomes a chore, to be completed as quickly as possible.

so I sigh, disentangle myself from the couch, and start my day. and the next morning, I don't feel particularly enthusiastic about picking up my Bible and continuing. "oh...i'll do it later." without effort, I find that time begins to lapse between bible readings: days pass before I "find time" to flip to Numbers again and plow my way through the next couple of chapters.

I don't want it to be this way. I wish I loved my morning Bible reading. sometimes I do; when I happen to be reading Esther, or a familiar psalm, or a passage that jumps off the page and applies itself to my life. but all too often, as I sit down to read my Bible, I suddenly remember that mom asked me to wash the dishes, or that I need to clean my room, or that I haven't practiced harp all week. and these things seem to take precedence over my reading.

don't bother telling me that I've got it upsidedown&backwards: I know it. reading my Bible isn't about being entertained. it doesn't matter if I come away feeling warm and fuzzy. the Author included each & every verse deliberately, and even the "boring" parts are valuable for instruction and reproof.

but still my readings remained hit-or-miss, dependent on my mood & busy schedule. 

recently I read an article by Tessa Hershberger, from the e-magazine setapartgirl. [a purposeful intimacy: http://setapartgirl.com/home.html]

I encourage you to read it; she puts everything much better than I ever could.

but in a nutshell, she likened our time spent with the Lord to the time we spend with friends. for example, in order to spend time with you, I call you up & we plan a date. we don't say, "maybe we'll show up some time tomorrow, if we feel like it & you have something interesting to say, and I can't think of anything better to do;" we both commit to a specific time. we put aside our schedules for an hour or two and concentrate on each other. we don't text while talking (well, not usually ;), we don't bring our homework, we don't grab the newspaper lying on the table. when we sit down together, we both know that the time is just for the two of us.

"If we simply spend time with God when something opens up in our schedules, 'when the mood strikes,' or when we're after some kind of quick emotional fix, our relationship with Him will be little more than a selfish and half-hearted acquaintance." ::Tessa Hershberger

it suddenly dawned on me that I give more time & effort in getting to know my friends than I do my Creator. my time with the Lord needs to be purposeful, just like the time I spend with you. and even if I don't *enjoy* my reading... that doesn't make it any less of a priority.

so.

the long and short of it: I'm determined to read my Bible every day. rain or shine. I know, this seems obvious... but I've been slacking. stopping to think about it, however, I realize that nothing can be more important than putting aside distractions and spending dedicated time with the Lord.

for my life right now, it's not practical to say "I will always read my Bible at 8:00 sharp." but I can start with the first step. whether it's several chapters during breakfast or a few quick verses before a nursing exam, I want to set apart time for His Word each day.

no, that's not quite right: I don't want to.

I need to.

even if it means reading about goats and silver platters. 

your humbled friend,

rory