ER

hello, muffin.

I missed two IV starts today. they should have been fine: the first was a 36-year-old man with veins you could see from across the room. he looked me straight in the eye & gave me a big, relaxed smile when I asked to start his IV; somehow, that unnerved me more than anything. the other patient was experiencing a possible heart attack. his face was bunched up in pain as I set up my supplies. I couldn't feel his vein, but I could see it faintly traced beneath his olive skin. both times I slipped the needle in & felt my heart drop when the little red flash didn't appear. the nurse silently took over, giving no further indication of my failure. but I felt it.

in post-conference, the other students eagerly asked what I did in the ER. I gave a brief report & admitted that I missed two IVs. "Both of them?" their eyes said incredulously. but they were quick to reassure me. everyone has to learn somehow. it's okay. it's no big deal. let it roll off. 

God gives us what we need. I needed a little humbling today. 

highlight of my day: being assigned to watch a patient's 4-year-old daughter, who spoke only Spanish. but that was alright, because we both spoke the language of Peekaboo, Fishy Faces, & Listen-To-Kristen's-Heart-With-Her-Stethoscope. she was my shy little friend: no questions asked. when it was just me & her, I didn't have to worry about looking grown-up and official. [I dislike acting like more than I am, but I stubbornly insist on trying anyway. let.it.go.]

as I did my 0945 charting, it hit me like a thunderbolt. 11 September. September 11th; 9/11. today. I looked around the ER with new eyes, wondering what it would be like to see its halls transformed by chaos and unbelievable reports from the field. trauma patients pouring in through the paramedic bay, trauma alerts sounding over the intercom, each room a scene of tragedy happening in real-time. what would it be like? what was it like? 

I can't even imagine. God help the people whose memories are forever stamped with that scene. may He bring them the comfort that can only come from His presence.

can you feel that? that's your heart beating against your ribs. it's your lungs expanding in perfect harmony. 

it's a gift. 

always,

rory