life is a highway

my dear rory,

happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, so it’s not exactly new year’s yet, but it almost is! and half the fun of something exciting is getting excited about it before it happens, right?

it’s going to be 2012! the year the world is supposed to end! the year part one of the Hobbit comes out! the year I graduate! the year my aunt has her baby! the year I go to Papua New Guinea! the year I learn how to sail a pirate ship… (hey. I can always dream, can’t I?).

eighteen years of my life have flown past me. they’re gone. never coming back. I see them in the rearview mirror. they’re waving.

“adios!” they cry. “goodbye! aloha! ciao!”

they don’t seem sad to be leaving. but I am sad that they are gone.

and yet, the rearview mirror is where they belong, I guess. this car called ‘life’ is driving forward, and if I don’t keep my eyes on the road, and more importantly, if I don’t keep my thoughts on the end destination, I could crash.

Heaven is a good destination to look forward to. though to be honest, I am excited for some of the other stops along the way as well.

and I don’t have to worry about getting lost! (as a blonde, you have no clue how comforting that is. ;P) thankfully, my GPS will never fail. God is in control of my life and is constantly giving me direction through a “Map“ He wrote specifically for His children. whether I follow that “Map” or not is up to me.

I hope I will follow that “Map“. I pray I will. I try to. I want to with all my heart.

why are there so many distractions in this life? so many appealing things line the road and make me want to turn off and look around for awhile. there are so many things to toy with! so many trinkets to catch my eyes! the worldly attractions and bright lights constantly flicker before me. maybe these things distract you too. but don’t be led astray! keep your eyes on the road. look to God for everything you need! He truly is all we need.

I like that God has provided a rest stop for us. He provides Himself as that rest stop. If you are feeling weary of your journey, you can always run to Him for strength. [“He restores my soul!”] [“I will soar on the wings of eagles. I will run and not grow weary...”]

and isn’t it cool that we don’t have to make this journey alone? other Christ-following family members and friends can travel with us. when things get tough, I know that I can always call one of them up and get encouragement. and I know that if I see one of them on the side of the road with a flat tire, I can always give them a hand. we can encourage each other to stay on the right path and give each other pointers. “yeah, there’s construction on Route 66, so I would avoid that.” “watch out for the fallen tree lying across Distraction Ave.!”

sometimes when I'm driving, it storms. and driving through storms can be difficult. it’s easy to lose sight of the road when rain is getting dumped on my windshield by angry, black clouds. but God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. He promises He will make our path straight. so even in the storms of life, never give up. trust in the Lord with all your heart.

when the storms of life aren't raging, I am thankful for the scenery. I am grateful for the beauty with which God has created this world. beautiful places and beautiful things. vibrant colors and vibrant people. yummy smells and yummy foods. the little things in life and the not-so-little things in life. He is a Master Author, Artist, and Painter.

I could go on and on about the similarites between life on the road and life on the Road to Life , but to conclude:

there are lots of things to look forward to on the road ahead. I know that I will miss the memories I have left behind me. I know that because even now my heart overflows with bittersweet joy as I remember this past year. these past few years. these past few miles. but like I said, I’ve got to keep my eyes on the road up ahead.

of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t glance back. driving is also dangerous if you don’t ever look back. looking back reminds you of where you’ve been, what ground you’ve covered already, what obstacles to avoid in the future. looking back reminds you of the wonderful places you've been, the amazing people you've met, the memories that you've made.

eighteen years seems like a long time.

as my papa told me, “eighteen! why just think! double your age and you’ll be thirty-six! double that and you’ll be seventy-two! double that and you’ll be one hundred and forty-four! double that and you’ll be two hundred and eighty-eight! double that and you’ll be… well, that’s as high as I can go.”

I must say, that by the time I am two hundred and eighty-eight, I think I will allow myself to stop and look back for a very long time…

… of course, by then I will have hopefully already reached my end destination. :)

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. may you have many splendid miles ahead of you.

keep your eyes on the road and your heart on the Map.

love,
muffin

from the inside looking out

“mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest… scratch that… who is the purest of them all?”

dear rory,

once upon a time, in a land that was obsessed with beauty and appearance, lived a woman. this woman was an older lady. she was small. she was slight. she was weak and yellow and frail. and on top of all that, she was sick. very sick. she had had cancer for sixteen years and it had taken its toll on her body.

to be honest, she wasn’t very beautiful… at least, not if you gave her a brief glance. not if you were making a quick evaluation.

why, if you had happened to live in this land and had happened to know this woman and had happened to be the doctor who gave her a check-up, you would have noticed that besides being small and frail and unattractive, she was also bruised and beat up. especially her knees.

how did such a woman belong in such a land?

she didn’t.

she didn’t belong in that land at all. yes, she lived there, but her heart belonged in a kingdom that was far greater than that petty land. she belonged to a kingdom that was ruled by a mighty King. the mightiest King that ever was. a King she had given her life to as a gift to build His Kingdom. a King she would soon get to meet face to face.

I remember hearing of this woman’s death. you see, I live in the same land that she did. this woman was a dear friend of our family’s. her name was Ruth, and while she was not the most beautiful in the land, she was one of the most beautiful women in the kingdom.

for sixteen years she had battled her cancer. for sixteen years she had prayed and cried out to the King of Kings. for sixteen years, she never turned her back on Him.

she used her last few days to witness to the hospice nurse caring for her. that nurse became a citizen of the kingdom.

and what of those bruises on Ruth’s knees? how did she get them? I cry even as I write this- those bruises were from the hours she spent kneeling in prayer.

not hours praying for herself. hours praying for others. hours praying for me.

looks can be deceiving.

especially in this land in which we live.

I have a childhood memory that frequently haunts my mind.

(side note: isn’t it annoying how we remember some of the oddest, most obscure things about childhood, but seem to forget all the important events? like remembering the scary biker neighbor bringing his pet iguana over for a visit but not remembering the birth of a sibling?)

like I was saying… I have this childhood memory that frequently haunts my mind. years and years ago, I was at AWANA (a Bible group for kids) and at this particular Wednesday night meeting, we had a guest speaker. and the speaker had brought two cakes.

one was beautifully decorated. instantly it made my stomach growl and my eyes bug out. a frozen sea of white, creamy frosting glazed the surface and little candy flowers ornamented this miracle of a cake. the other cake was frosted a nasty color… pea green. and it had no flowers or borders, only a light dusting of bitter coffee grounds.

I saw the speaker take out a knife to cut the cakes, and in that moment I knew what was going to happen. the other little girls watched hungrily as the speaker cut into the beautiful cake. I leaned back and cringed.

as you may have guessed, the beautiful cake was nasty on the inside, and the ugly one was filled with springy, yellow yummy-ness.

I wasn’t surprised. but the whole thing bothered me. and I didn’t know why. so the memory grabbed a magazine, got comfortable in some back corner, and for many years only occasionally strolled to the front of my mind to see if I could make anything of it.

after Ruth died, it hit me. a cake that is ugly on the outside and nice on the inside doesn’t exist. and THAT’S what had been bothering me for so long.

you see, we have become so accustomed to living in this land, that we have forgotten what beauty is. beauty isn’t how much frosting you can pile on a cake or how much make-up you can paint on a face. It isn’t how many sugary flowers you can place on top or how many layers of nice clothes you can wear.

beauty is what radiates from a person. beauty is what makes you forget a person’s outward imperfections and only see the smile in their eyes. it’s the kind tone you hear in their voice. it’s the warmth you feel in their grasp. it’s the wrinkles bearing witness to years of smiling friendliness.

beauty is what you find when you stop searching someone’s face for what this land considers beautiful and allow yourself to see something bigger. beauty is allowing yourself to see the King shining through an individual.

I can honestly say I have never met a person who is pure on the inside and ugly on the outside. ugly cakes with perfect middles just don’t exist.

it’s easy to judge a book by its cover. people in this land do it all the time.

what’s harder and not as normal is to judge a cover by the book.

from the inside looking out.

love you!

muffin

winter winds

dear muffin,

finals = done, done, DONE! oh, the jollity. 

[is that a word?]

it's been a good sort of evening. a finished-with-finals, pick-up-eggnog-with-the-brother, watch-Bambi-at-midnight sort of evening. a misty evening that turns Christmas lights into bokeh. a happy evening that smells of cinnamon soap & old pine needles. 

earlier, my mom unearthed the old boxes labeled "CHRISTMAS" [in handwriting harking from years ago] & began the jolly process of bedecking the house. the bannisters have henceforth been wrapped in garlands & every table graced with grade-school art projects featuring snowmen. some of these art projects are mildly disturbing, but they add to the atmosphere nonetheless. =]

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the spices, the warmth, the joy, the memories. snowflakes & traditions can be found in every corner [as can numerous lumpy packages, carefully guarded by sneaky family members]. I love the incredulous story of the Lord of Creation being born in a stable. born to save a bunch of miserable, self-ruined little humans who killed Him for His effort. an effort that bought me unto a purpose; a purpose that gives my life meaning.

and on top of it all, there is eggnog & snowballs & caroling & striped socks. 

so much happiness for one little heart to hold. share it with me? 

but the season has its sobering moments as well. while caroling, a family comes to the door with their tears hidden behind crumpled tissues. while driving, I pass a procession of black trench coats, huddled against the rain, headed up by six aligned figures with green jackets & white-gloved hands held in a last salute. 

makes me feel guilty for pulling into the driveway, hanging up my cares in the coat closet, & settling in to enjoy a cozy evening at home.

why am I not more grateful?

***

goals for winter break [well, a few of them, anyway]:

::make gingerbread men

::work on dinner skills [because nothing shouts 'Christmas cheer' like a burnt casserole. not that I ever burn anything, of course.]

::knit an outrageous orange scarf

::inflict said scarf upon the world

::spend time

::enjoy the little moments

::be grateful

[among many, many others.]

and now: goodnight. turn on some mumford & sons and listen to the wind as it sings around the windows. know that somewhere over here, I am doing the same.

:: Let the Winter come. It is the only path to Spring. The house is battered with cold, but inside there is a warmth that cannot & will not die. [n.d. wilson, notes from the tilt-a-whirl]

always,

rory

thanks for nothing

dear rory,

winter winds are freezing the last stubborn leaves off of trees, frantic turkeys are dodging in and out of bushes, plastic pilgrims are posing on mantelpieces, and families are getting out the measuring tapes to see just how much food they can cram onto the surface area of their dining tables.

you know what that means, don’t you? it’s almost Thanksgiving! almost time to sit around and groan after filling our bellies with turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and stuffing and carrots and green beans and bread and pie.

my family has a tradition that after the meal is finished, we go around the table and each say something we’re thankful for. usually someone says ‘our family’ or ‘our church’ or ‘our friends’ or something along those lines.

of course, saying we are thankful for friends and family and church are all good things, great things in fact. but have you ever been thankful for what you don’t have?

a few days ago I thanked God for not shipwrecking me on a desert island. can you imagine washing ashore and not knowing if there was freshwater? not knowing if there was food? can you imagine not having anybody to talk to? not knowing if cannibals lived just beyond the next tree? not knowing if you would ever be rescued or if you would ever see your family again?

I’m also thankful that I’m not blind. I like seeing the world and everything in it. glittering leaves in the fall, mountains of snow in the winter, tiny buds of life in the spring, and tall glasses of pink lemonade in the summer all bring instant happiness to my eyes. not seeing them would be terrible. and not seeing the faces of those I love would be devastating.

another thing: I’m grateful that I don’t live in a time when forced marriages were perfectly normal. I shudder everytime I read Jane Austen and try to imagine my family forcing me to marry for riches or position instead of love. as silly as it sounds, I would almost rather be dead than be forced to marry someone.

a few more things I’m thankful for also include not living in a butterfly infested house, not eating jello for every meal, not having to live in a cardboard box, not waking up to a day of working in cotton fields, not being an Eskimo, not feeling frightened when I go to bed, not wondering if I’ll get to eat the next day, not being forced to believe something I don’t, and the list goes on and on and on.

this past year has been somewhat hard for me and my family. watching my parents stress about paying bills hasn’t really been fun. losing a sibling I didn’t even get to meet was downright painful. learning some hard lessons wasn’t exactly pleasant.

these types of issues were items that had previously been on my “thankful for not having to deal with” list. I didn’t want to go through them. at one point, I probably would have told you that I couldn’t survive having to go through them. and yet, as they came, I realized something important. something that I am extremely thankful for.

and that is this: God never gives us more than we can bear. He gives us the strength we need to make it through difficult times, through difficult situations, and through difficult relationships. And through those things, He makes us stronger and He makes us more like Him.

I can honestly say I am thankful for the hard things I've had to go through this year. that's not to say I enjoyed them. because I didn't. but God used them for His purposes, and for that I am thankful.

God is so good.

and that’s why tomorrow, when I am asked what I’m thankful for, I know what I will say:

I am thankful that God has been, is, and always will be right there with us through the good times AND the bad times.

this thanksgiving I am thankful for a bunch of 'nothings'. I am thankful that there is NOTHING that God can’t handle (Matthew 19:26). That there is NOTHING that He can’t help me through (Hebrews 13:5). I am thankful that NOTHING can seperate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39). And that there is NOTHING in heaven above or the earth below that I need to fear (Romans 8:31).

so. does that mean that even if I was a blind person shipwrecked on a desert island with my husband whom I had been forced to marry, that God would help me through that?

yep.

but for now I’m keeping that on my “thankful for not having to deal with” list. ;)

I hope you have a splendid Thanksgiving. may God bless you with many things to be thankful for.

even if they are things you never thought you could be thankful for.

love you,
muffin